Sunayna Uberoy shares her real life tryst with endometriosis and infertility. This is an inspiring story of a woman braving intense pain. Soon she realized that enduring all this pain is futile and choose life over pain by adopting two beautiful girls . Today, she is a doting mom.
Fighting infertility was so not worth it. I lost out on friends and most importantly time!
Resident of Gurgaon, Sunayna is a computer science engineer. She worked in the Software sector for 15 years and has now switched to education. She is passionate about the methodology of education and the quality of education that is being provided to children in the country. Also a dog lover she had two dogs until recently. She loves to read , mostly non-fiction and absolutely loves to read to her children. She loves to be outdoors - loves to swim, play badminton and tennis. She also write blogs but not so often. She is happy to be with family and friends but is not a party person.
I should have taken advice. I never did and thought I could fight Nature and Destiny on my own.
Sunayna has bared it all for you so that all those women silently suffering in pain get hope, strength and inspiration. She talks straight from her heart and gives tips and advice from real life experience. No bookish knowledge.
Managing Two Pains Simultaneously - Endometriosis and Infertility
It was an active struggle of 5 years with infertility. That is the time period I went through medications, IUI and IVF. I have endometriosis. The problem was not diagnosed until I started infertility treatment. I had cysts which apparently got ruptured. I had an emergency Laparoscopic surgery and thereafter started the IUI treatments. There were a lot of adhesion and a bulky uterus making it impossible to conceive. The problem was both emotional and physical.
Endometriosis is highly painful and the cysts keep growing. The cysts became enlarged again due to the additional drugs. Thereafter I had another surgery, this time a Laparotomy. I went through one round extremely painful IVF with no success. I saw no reason to subject myself to so much pain and also the stress I was giving to my family. I decided to stop the treatments and decided to work on endometriosis alone, mostly to reduce the monthly painful and sometimes daily episodes, not to forget the constant bleeding. Each cycle lasted 20 days with a 30 day frequency. They were so painful that no pain medication could help curb it and I had to resort to taking shots. We could not travel or have any vacations that could be termed worthwhile all through endometriosis. Even social visits were limited; in general any outgoing activity was curbed. To an outdoor person, it was even more traumatic to lead a restricted life.
Ayurveda, Homeopathy, Allopathy, nothing seemed to work. A couple of years back I came across a doctor who prescribed a new drug in the market to curb the disease. Suddenly, I had my life back and for once could think of being able to live without pain and bleeding. I wonder why I spent my precious youthful days fighting completely unnecessary and futile battle. I am still not sure why the urge was so high to procreate. Was it the determination that no mountain is unsurpassable or was it hormonal imbalance that made “infertility addictive”. The only thing that the process did was to introduce my body to a disease that did not pre-exist, financial burden that was unaccounted for and unquantifiable issues like weight problems and stress that I as an individual subjected myself to and we as a family underwent.
I Hated Pregnant Women & New Born Kids
To me, the most difficult thing to cope up with was to meet pregnant women. I was jealous and hated them, so much so that I refused to work with them as well. Obviously I did not want to go to any social event, baby showers, birthdays etc. I thought I was probably beginning to hate new born kids too!
Living in US, thankfully I did not have family pressure but trips to India were only left to visits to this doctor and that. I thought I probably got a degree in endometriosis. Adoption was always on the chart even before we got married. However the legal aspects of it while in US delayed the process and I am glad it did. Had it not been delayed, I would not have got these very wonderful daughters in my life. However, the delay was also probably the reason I thought I would utilize my time ‘better’ while in US.
Physically and emotionally I was drained and continued to struggle. Yoga, meditation, all were worthless. It was just suddenly one fine day I was over all of it. That was the day I held my daughter-to-be in my arms for the first time. We had met several babies before but nothing really triggered in me. But with this child, it was one look and we were bonded forever and I had no emotional baggage.
Adoption - The Right Decision
Adoption was always on the plan. We decided that our second baby will be adopted but I learnt that you do not necessarily carve your own future. Few things are pre-decided and maybe that is why I believe in destiny and God too today!
Adoption was a long, tedious and persuasive process. Back in 2007, it was not a streamlined process. You literally had to go from organization to organization, door to door asking for availability. ‘Shopping for kids’ is what it felt like and I hated it.
Who am I to CHOOSE a child, why should I reject a child with a disability? I could have very well accepted a disable child had I conceived him. The paperwork was long but the social worker that we worked with was extremely supportive. In all honesty it was not one fine day that infertility was behind me but it was in a lot of ways this process that helped me get out of it.
Suddenly when I started talking about it, I felt free of the infertile ties.
I was forced to talk about the problems initially and suddenly when I started talking about it, it not only became easier to talk about it but also I felt free of the infertile ties. I no longer saw it as a problem but a blessing. If not for that, I may not have chosen this path at all. We finally brought our first baby home in Jan 2010. A year later, I was ready to go through the adoption process all over again. June 2013 the little one entered our lives and rest as they say is history!
My Cute Daughters
They both love to dance. They go to their cousins/friends house and pretty much every time, they both have a show organized in an hour and have convinced other children to perform as well. They fight a lot, A LOT! They read to each other, although my younger one is barely able to recognize letters. They are a constant company to each other, completely inseparable. I do not get good mornings in the morning but question on where the other one is. They have started going to school together. My older one drops the younger one to class everyday and sits with her in the class until she settles down. I am so glad that we decided to adopt the second one on time, making the age difference negligible.
Tips On Adoption Process
Fighting infertility was so not worth it. Not because there was no outcome but it was so stressful. I lost out on friends and more importantly time! The time that typically a woman goes through infertility is also the prime age - time to enjoy life, time to bond with your partner, time to work hard and develop a passion. Instead, all the energy is put into how to make the worst use of your money!
Go for Adoption! There are so many in need of a loving family and you sure will make a loving mother. It brings new colours to your life that you did not know even exists and thankfully our society has evolved in this regard. It is acceptable and respected as well.
Adoption centres themselves are quite desperate to get their children adopted, they are however bound by the legal process and the delay is mostly due to the paper work. Of course, things have changed, but I have a friend who adopted a child after 6 yrs of waiting, for no fault of the organization but just that she was made to hop from one place to another.
Holy Child and Palna in Delhi, BSSK in Pune are all the places that we have good experience. However there a lot of smaller ones and my older daughter is from one such smaller one. Maharashtra is better than all the other states in the country when it comes to adoption.
One should make sure that they are following the legal track, no matter how long it takes. Short cuts lead to problems in the long term. There is a lot of scope to break the legal process but I was seriously advise against it. Get a social worker to assist you. I do have references if you would like to connect with me.
Looking Back Now I Wish…
I should have taken advice. I never did and thought I could fight nature and destiny. I was told time and again that the process is going to be hard given the condition of my uterus and the quality of the eggs. I always said - dekhi jayegi. There is value in giving up sometimes. If there is a chance, sure fight for it but in a situation like mine where the result was predicted to be dismal, there was no point going against the tide. It’s ok to choose a different path. We have only one life and time is precious. Think and choose what is best not just for you but also for your family.
Tags: adoption endometriosis Infertility