She is a brave heart, a fun-loving woman who lives in the USA and is here to talk about her infertility, IVF failures, and how she overcame all these hurdles and finally became a mother, when she said yes to adoption!
I am Mithra Bindhu. I am a wife, daughter, daughter-in-law, sister, and amma to Maya and Mukund. At work, I am an entrepreneur and have been working along with my husband for a long time. Being a mother has been the best part of my life. The road to being a mom was long but I have forgotten the pain and the disappointment after multiple failed In Vitro Fertilization (IVFs) as now I have two wonderful kids. I got my sense of relief and life back when I said yes to adoption!
My problem is that I like too many things……. from being a runner, biker (bicycle), arranging flowers…….. to learning in-depth about Hindu philosophy. Currently, I am busy in prioritizing time with kids as they are 18 and 17.
You might be thinking who the hell I am, talking about my family? Why am I telling you about my hobbies and children?
Well, I just wanted you to know that I am like any other parent out there. But yes, one thing that makes me special is— my kids adopted me…… They did not come out of my womb but from my heart! They are my ‘adopted’ kids.
Doctors are considered to be God, but in our case ‘our God’ was helpless
A ‘No’ that follows with the reason is comforting than a ‘No’ without reason. Yes, the same was happening with us, when the doctors in the USA made it clear that we can’t conceive naturally but failed miserably in replying ‘WHY’? There was an end,but without a closure!
Here it started— A struggle to overcome emotions, feelings, and…….infertility
Being married at the young age of 21, I would often backfire at people who asked me, “So when you are giving good news”? “Not before 5 years, let me first establish myself professionally,” I would often tell them. Little did I know that God was probably listening to my conversation and that too very seriously!
Everything was going as per the ‘plan’, so when we hit our 5th anniversary, I intuitively felt that it was the right time to start a family. Young and excited, we were super confident about the success of our ‘plan’.
We were fully prepared or thought so at least!
Sadly, God had other plans and from here started the longest battle of 15 years! A battle of avoiding family members, ignoring friends and severing ties withsociety!
Earlier I was carrying a lot of guilt wondering who has “the problem” and this issue went up to me wanting to get out of the marriage in case I was “the problem”
Yes, I wanted to run away from the society and from those baby questions which were piercing my heart. Those questions which were telling me, “Mithra, your planning has failed.”
IVF creates magic, but in our case, it didn’t
Then the time came when we decided to go for IVF. I was confident that this ‘man-made’ technique would create a miracle which we were earlier expecting from God. Little did we know, our battle was not over yet! Our IVF failed.
“We tried everything starting from monitoring the basal body temperature, clomid, HSG,….to IVF with IVIG. Every time an IVF cycle failed, we were down. Start the next cycle? Hope blossoms again. The physical changes of weight gain, water retention were easier to handle. It was more difficult for my husband to see me handle the mental pressures. He felt so helpless.
Adoption was best reply to My IVF Failure and Infertility
When I was blaming God for my sufferings, he sent my mother-in-law to me as a saviour. She was the witness to my agony and told me to stop all this nonsense and adopt a child.
I was not mentally ready for this. I was still hoping to get pregnant naturally because our infertility was unexplained. This hide-and-seek game had lasted for 8 years before it ended, and thankfully, it ended.
Maya was 3 months and 2 days old when she was “born” into our family. We adopted Mukund when he was 5 months old. They are now two strapping teenagers. Maya’s personality is exactly like my mother-in-law and husband. Mukund is like my dad and me.
How did this happen? What about the DNA crap? It happened because they were born from our hearts and had the perfect ‘DNA’ of our emotions and feelings.
They ‘Choose’ Us As Their Parents, And I am Glad, They Did
Even though they didn’t come out of my womb and I never breastfeed my adoptive kids, it never deprives us with happiness and emotions which any other parents feel while bringing up their kids. I never had that feeling of carrying a child in a womb for 9 months and going through the labour pain, but we had that feeling of running behind them and the chance to experience the joy when they accepted us as their parents for the very first time.
There is nothing cute about bringing up babies. It is hard and thankless where you both need to put ALL your priorities on the back burner and focus on bringing up the kids. Each stage has its wonderful feelings and some stupid challenges. My husband and I have learnt to enjoy each stage, even the teenage tantrums.
My son Mukund is 17 and insists that he eats like a dog at the dining table, only when his sister is around. My daughter Maya is 18 and insists on everything to be clean, except her bathroom which is always a mess.
Whenever I look at my kids, I scold myself for not listening to my mother-in-law and bringing ‘my’ children to their home much earlier.I also think of how supportive my husband has been throughout the “waiting” years, handling the adoption paperwork and now, being a great dad!
The couple kept their treatment secret from their close family members as they did not want to answer their questions. But it made their journey tough as well without a support system. Now Mithra wants to build a support system for other moms-to-be and their husbands who may have a hard time in seeing their wives being pumped with so many meds.
As she said, ” You have to find a doctor and a team who can support you. My first experience ended up in tears and leaving without meeting the doctor as the front desk person was rude and loud. She asked me loudly – so, what is your problem? No children?
But, we managed to find the right doctors and got a lot of support from the team. One of the nurses would call me at work to find out how I was handling myself during ovulation. That cycle, they harvested 11 eggs.
And what’s brilliant is that she is one of the ROCKS who has offered to guide women for adoption as well. So, whether you have questions related to adoption or just looking for an emotional support, fill the form to connect with Mithra.
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