I am Naina, a 27 year old, married for almost 5 years and trying for a baby past 3 years with 2 spontaneous ectopics, 2 failed IVFs and 1 cancelled FET. Unfortunately, this is the best way to describe myself on this forum- I am an infertility fighter.
At a young age of 22, when I got married, I would often backfire people when they questioned me on starting a family. “Not before 5 years” I would tell them. Little did I know that God was probably listening very carefully then !
Being married at a young age, gave both me and my husband an edge to not start a family very soon. But as we hit our 2nd anniversary, I intuitively felt that the time was right. Not because of any pressure but solely because I felt that this was the next step in life and so why not now ? I was actively involved in the family business along with some freelance work and so I knew my career could be well managed along with family.
Young and excited, we decided to finally give it a try and to our surprise I conceived at our one and only try. Our happiness and most importantly confidence knew no bounds. We even thought to ourselves that if it was going to be so easy, we could have rather waited a little more before planning. Unfortunately, God had some other plans and that’s when this roller coaster ride started.
My only fear is being asked “so when are you giving a good news?“
With low beta numbers and a confusing ultrasound of an ectopic (pregnancy in tube) or hetrotopic (1 pregnancy in tube and 1 in uterus), our gynae suggested to terminate it. A D&C followed by methotrexate shots ended the chapter leaving us disheartened yet very-very hopeful. We convinced our self that this was by fluke and would not happen again.
With this positive attitude, I conceived once again six months later in April 2015. But a positive attitude can sometimes actually be over confidence or ignorance. It again turned out to be an ectopic only to be followed by a laparoscopic management to loose out on one tube.
And with this began the roller-coaster ride of visiting tons of doctor and taking advice from all. After a lot of research we finally settled on going in for an IVF. Not that all doctors suggested so but we thought, whats the point of suffering or undergoing another ectopic or surgery when we can get what we want by IVF.
At my IVF clinic, I was the most promising candidate. Being young, financially sound and married for only 3 years. The regular visits, the injections, and the horrifying two-week, all seemed just fine for me when I thought of the two pink positive lines that would display soon. That day and today, I am still waiting to see those 2 positive lines. I am still waiting. After 2 IVFs, 1 cancelled FET all at an age of 24 – 26, I am still waiting….
From being a young, charming and a very dynamic girl who every one talked about and wanted to be like, suddenly I became an under confident and silent girl. Standing among a group of 5 , my only fear is being asked “so when are you giving a good news?“. Seeing friends around having their first and now second babies is a feeling that cannot be put in words. Going for baby showers or baby birthdays is a nightmare. I have lost a lot to this infertility fight in the last 3 years.
But enough has been harmed. Gearing up for my next FET this month, I want to promise myself to not let this take over me anymore. Hopefully, this will be it but if not I am not going to let this put me down. As I celebrate my 5th anniversary in a week, I want to be the same as I was before all this started.
I am not going to loose myself to this beast called Infertility. I am not letting YOU be ME. Because I am Me, a topper in school, a gold medalist in college, a creative designer, a good wife, a good daughter and a good human being. I am not going to let you make me feel jealous when I see a pregnant lady or when I see a new born. I am not going to let you make me feel incomplete. I am not going to let you stop me from laughing or attending baby showers. I am not going to let you make me miss life.. Because I am much more than you. I am Me. Definitely not just an IVFer…
One hot afternoon when I was checking my emails, I get this mail which said ‘Kindly let this be anonymous, but hopefully not for very long’. I had goosebumps reading it and could actually visualize her sitting with laptop in her room, nonchalantly looking out of the window, sobbing in between, a tear hiding at the corner of her eyelid. This is Naina’s life. A life of a true infertility fighter. We salute her spirits and her courage to come forward and share her story. She wants to send a strong message that infertility will not bog us down. Our identity is much more than just being an IVFer or infertility patient. Let’s win this infertility battle with strength and togetherness. You are not alone.
She is going for her next IVF as we speak. Let us all together pray for her. She needs your wishes for when a true heart prays it works 🙂Tags: ectopic pregnancy failed IVF infertility success story IVF IVF clinic ivf success story laproscopy ttc ttc story ttcpregnancy TWW