Psychological turmoil is intrinsically related to infertility problems. Emotional wellness is importance to resolve infertility problems. This, trust me, is the most difficult aspect of this journey. However, you have to be conscious and make constant effort to de-clutter your mind. We bring to you renowned psychologist who will help you with resolving some of the infertility issues. Find pointers based on scenarios similar and work on them with patience, trust and determination to change (if not to change others then change yourself).
We are facing infertility issues for past 3 years now. I have got myself completely examined and there is no problem with me. The doctor is insisting that my husband gets his tests done but he is not ready. He keeps postponing. I desperately want to have a baby. Everyone around me thinks I am a ‘bhanj’ (infertile). I am so depressed. My husband is not cooperating. I can’t tell this to anyone. What should I do?
The need for a child is equally important for both of you. Here it is important to convince each other without a third person’s involvement in a cordial atmosphere realizing the need. Deal it with patience and help him get stronger. It is only lack of strength and hypocrisy which is stopping him from seeing the doctor. Help him clear the mental clutter if not just for the baby then for overall emotional wellness. He is your husband so help him grow with you. It might take some time but it will happen eventually.
My first cycle of IVF has failed. I am feeling very low. I think I have done something grossly wrong in the past and this is my Karma. I don’t deserve a child. I have left my job also. I feel so lost and clueless.
Dear, The word karma, past life, present life, future life are coined to inculcate confidence on one’s activities. What we sow so we reap my advice is think positively, act with confidence, go forward with conviction, the results are bound to be positive because you have not given chance for negative thinking. Now the time has come to face a challenge in life with positive traits and take the situation as a challenge rather than leaving everything and accepting defeat. For every problem there is a solution only if you believe that there is a solution.
I come from a city in MP, I was married to my mother’s youngest brother at the age of 21. He was 34 at the time. We are 13 years apart. I had to give in to the family pressure, crush all my dreams and marry this man, coz the elders had promised each other that when I was born itself! My husband and I never got along, blame the age gap or you can call it the generation gap!! The physical relationship was forced on me, he waited for a year and a half after marriage and once he realised I will not submit myself, he dominated 🙁 There were times it happened with my consent but not most of the times. Anyways years passed and I accepted my life. It is 9 years since we are married now. My husband is 43 years old now and I am 30. We had never used any kind of contraceptives but still I never conceived. Husband has a very low sperm count. We are suggested to go for IVF with donor sperm but my husband isn’t Okay with it, neither does he want to adopt! Divorcing him isn’t an option for me! And there is no way to convince him, even my parents and professional counsellors have lost hope! So I am thinking of talking to my doctor to tell him that they will try using his sperms but use a donor sperm without informing him! I know when this succeeds the external appearance of the baby may raise questions, but my craving to become a mother will be fulfilled atleast. That’s the least I can ask for from this marriage. I am not even sure if the doctor will agree to this, I am still fighting an ethical and moral battle inside me. Please tell me what you think. How to cope with all this emotional pressure? Please help.
Marriage itself is a compromise
Dear, “Marriage itself is a compromise” this is a fact rather than a saying which has stood the test of time and people. Age, relationship and factors like these stand least importance what is important is synchronization of each other’s case, natures and understanding. In your case likes and dislikes are bearing a major impression on both of your minds rather than a trial to convince each other and compromise over the things which can’t be avoided in a relationship.
A married life is a combination of many irritants day in and day out with self and people around, all that is needed is self confidence; truth in your thinking and deeds which I am very confident will solve all the problems and create a congenial atmosphere and relationship.
During this long struggle with infertility I have lost all my self esteem and self worth. I doubt myself. I don’t think I can do anything properly. I have closed myself from the society. I stay in myself. I avoid going to parties and all. I feel when I go out then people will ask about the baby. I have become an introvert. I am losing all confidence. I hate myself and what I have become.
Let me put certain facts before you. You can also take these as affirmations and keep repeating it to yourself.
Nothing is impossible
Nothing is unique
Nothing is superior
Nothing is worst
Nothing is a waste
It is all a jargan of words which we create, which are hampering our self confidence. Science has developed leaps and bounds and practically nothing is impossible only that is required is your positive efforts, confidence perseverance. Please remember people , society do not contribute any solution to your personal problems, all they can do is discourage you and try to create an atmosphere where you are depressed. Keep aside the society, let your confidence dominate your life, to your capacity and achieve the goal. Success is not an easy cake.
I have been fighting with infertility for past 6 years. My best friend just announced about her pregnancy. Though I am happy about her but I cried because I am still fighting for something which came so naturally and easily for her. She didn’t even want a kid. I feel jealous. I feel guilt for not being as happy as I should have been considering I am her BFF (best friend forever). Does this make me a bad person? I am surely a witch who gets sad in other people’s happiness. Please help.
Dear, you look a bit confused over good and bad, yours and others, feelings and emotions. First and foremost you set goals for your life on what you have and what you need? This clears your confusion what you don’t have and you will not be bothered what others have. Such feelings always damage self and inculcate negative energy which hampers the positive development in life.
Cleanliness is next to godliness, where god exists everything will be positive. So clean your thoughts and emotional mind-clutter. Go to your friend and wish her all the luck and along with that tell her that you can only support to an extent for you are undergoing infertility. I am sure when you help her understand she will surely do and respect you. However, if you avoid her then that will be the breeding ground of misunderstanding which will make you sad again. Talk frankly and you will be amazed to see how well she will perceive it.
My Mother in law keeps taunting me about my infertility. This creates so much stress that my IVF cycle keeps failing. It has become a vicious cycle. How to manage?
Dear Friend, A small question if I go on adding load more than your capacity what you do? I’m sure you will shed off extra load and be comfortable isn’t it. So also the comments, criticism, taunting, etc are extra burden to your mind which are creating imbalance .with a stressful mental state the fusion process gets dissolved, subsequently your efforts are failing.
Create an emotional wall between you and your MIL
Hence my advice is to keep yourself calm have confidence on what you do go forward with positive conviction, success is bound to be yours. Make yourself strong and create an emotional wall between you and your MIL. Let her say what she wants to but it should not affect your inner being and then you will find success. All the best!
We have reached the end of hope in having our own biological baby. I am thinking of adoption now but my immediate family is not ready. They say ‘pata nahi kiska baccha hoga, kya genes hongey”. They think I am young and I should not lose hope and try more. But I know I can’t have my biological child and adoption is the only answer. How to prepare my family for adoption?
‘Pata nahi kiska baccha hoga, kya genes hongey”
This is a difficult situation where beliefs, emotions and bonds are involved on a single platform. As a daughter-in-law you can’t go against your elders on the other side you can’t suppress your needs. In situations like this only person who can take decisions is your husband. Have confidence on him rest everything will be fine…Best of luck….
How to keep myself calm during infertility process? I feel anxiety and stress. I keep thinking what if the treatment fails. What if I never have a baby? Please tell me some practical tips to manage stress.
In your case feelings play a major part in your success. When you are confused, when you don’t have solution for a particular thing you tend to get tense and develop stress and all these negative vibrations will hamper your efforts. When you’re under the infertility process, psychologically you have to imagine yourself having child in your womb, feel the movements, the first kick of your child and feel the day to day development and imagine the day the child is going to be in your hands and lap, fondling your kid with all your love and affection. Get this sort of feel and success is yours.
I had a miscarriage. I feel so depressed. I feel I should commit suicide. This is the end of the road for me. Though my husband shows that he is normal and supports me I know that he is also unhappy from inside. I can’t give him a baby and this makes me so sad.
Miscarriage is not the end. Even after 4-5 miscarriages people have a child which is a fact. There are no negative factors in your case. Your husband is understanding and encouraging which is a major positive point. Identify your need concentrate on it and think of success.
My husband has a hectic and stressful work schedule. You can say there is absolutely no work-life balance. Doctor says that this is the main reason behind our infertility. He has poor sperm quality. He has to reduce stress. Whenever I tell him anything he shouts at me saying that he must do his job to get money and fulfil the financial needs. We have started to grow apart. We have more fights these days, sometimes he even gets physical. Our relationship is at its lowest. In such a situation I can never have a baby. Please help.
The relationship between husband and wife is like a mirror and the image, husband is a mirror and wife is an image. Hope you understood! Work loaded, stressed person needs love, affection, consoling and understanding. This is a difficult task but to have a meaningful, happy future you need to take up with lot of patience keeping aside the factors which are hurting your feelings and ego, gain the confidence of your partner, aim the target, then the fruit will be yours.
Dr.Vasavi Samyukta Sunki (PGDRP,PGDIRPM,MHRM, PhD Psychology) has more than 12 years of experience. She holds a Diploma in counselling, advanced specialization on ASD, certification from RCI apart from many others. Currently, she is working as Chief Psychologist at Ankura Hospitals, Hyderabad. She has worked on cases ranging from Autism spectrum disorder, stress, developmental delay, depression, learning disabilities, and behavioural distortions.Tags: emotional wellness Infertility treatments psychological problem resolving infertility