Fighting infertility and yet choosing to be happy
I was not like this always. Time has changed me and today I am happy because I have accepted the change. The change that infertility journey brought, the change that was never planned.
My struggle with infertility is an interesting mix of sorrow, joy, pain, deceit, anguish, frustration, hate, hopes, and misunderstandings. Well innumerable shades of emotions. I experimented with my infertile life, sometimes good, sometimes messy but it was fun throughout. I will not say I wasn’t unhappy, infact I was suicidal depressed but each time when I rose up and punched back: I loved the way life was taken aback by surprise, not expecting I will punch it harder J
One day, I was really low and confused. I was speaking to my dad and telling him about my dilemmas and apprehensions when my dad listened quietly and then he said,
“You Be The Man”
I was taken aback by this expression, Be the Man.
I soon realized that he wanted me to take charge and take my own decisions without depending on anyone. He taught me an important lesson on being strong. It is important that you not only take decisions but also bear the responsibility of the outcome, both good and bad.
Today, I wish to share this important lesson with all the warrior women who are fighting infertility.
There will be so many choices, so many advises, and so many decisions to take on this path of infertility journey. Simply, trust yourself. It is, at the end of the day your body that takes the brunt of it. You decide even if it goes wrong once, it’s ok. Try again, now with more faith and more clarity.
Look For Logic
Don’t stray away to astrologers and black magicians. Stay focussed and take one step at a time. Think and look for logic. Even take doctor’s advice with a pinch of salt. And, don’t feel guilty of changing doctors if you are not satisfied with the current one. I can say from my personal experience, doctors especially the infertility specialists are no Gods. They take us as the golden egg laying hens. Very rarely will you find really good and honest doctors. Finding the right doctor is an art which. I have changed no less than 10 doctors during my infertility journey.
Don’t Blame Others
Stop blaming others especially your spouse or in-laws for infertility issues. This is where the seeds of martial discords are sown. They may have made some mistakes or been insensitive to you and your infertility problem. I agree. But then don’t blame and hate them so much that you become bitter. It will affect your mental strength. It is best to find a solution to a problem and not just keep cribbing about it. For example, if you really have a bad set of in-laws who won’t understand then find a way to avoid them, stay away from all types of negativity.
Needless to emphasize on this one. You simply can’t win the battle of infertility without being mentally and emotionally strong. If you are not then be patient and soon time will make you stronger.
Take Decisions And Also The Responsibility Of Outcomes
Most of the time we leave difficult decisions for the husband to take and later blame the poor soul for taking it! Well, it’s high time that you start taking decisions and also the responsibility of their outcome.
Avoid getting over emotional. Try, atleast try to control your mood swings. Become a detective and consider you medical complication as a case you must solve to find the real culprit. Now look for misses, look for clues, look for a pattern, and soon you will clear out all the medical mumbo-jumbo and get closer to your dream of motherhood.
Steer Out Of Depression
It is absolutely normal to fall in the vicious cycle of depression but then coming out of it is also in your hand. Keep trying and never give up.
Know the limit of your body and mind. Don’t over exert yourself. When I was advised TB treatment even though the test results showed negative, I knew it was just not right for me. Obviously there were side effects and TB medication is very tough to digest. It simply kills your digestive system. On doctor’s insistence, I took the medicine for a week and then just couldn’t convince my mind to go ahead. I left it. And, I am glad that I did. I didn’t want a baby to come to a sick and depressed mom. I would rather not have a baby. Those were my thoughts.
Know When To Say No
This is very important which most of us ignore and realize only very late when they have tortured their bodies. There is a lady who went for 3 IVF, all failed and soon after decided to go for adoption. Now, she is happy with 2 adopted girls. And, then there is a lady who gives birth at 72. You choose whom you want to be.
Keep An Open Mind
Don’t close your mind. Be open to experiments, new ideas, and alternative treatments. It does helps in most cases. In my case alternative treatments like acupuncture and naturopathy helped a lot to bring back my sanity and composure. It helped me prepare my body. However, you can never undermine the role of allopathic treatment especially if it is a case of primary and secondary infertility.
Infertility journey needs a lot of strength and patience. See, the bright side of it – You will emerge out of it stronger and a better person.Tags: infertility journey